Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Shameless Stuff #7: Share your efforts at something you don’t think you do well.

Nobody's perfect, so it shouldn't be surprising that there are many things I cannot do well. But one thing that has been plaguing me for years now is my absolute failure at dieting.

I'm not "huge" - a decidedly curvy and overweight size 16 most days - but I could be thinner for my 5'7" frame. I've always had a "baby face" with the kind of chipmunk cheeks that old ladies would pinch (yep, back when pinching a child on the face wouldn't lead to a court order... nowadays I doubt even kids with pinch-able cheeks get that sort of attention). And curves have been a part of me since... well... let's just say I kinda looked like a real-life Cabbage Patch Kid as a young child.

But for the most part, I was fine with being a little thicker, as long as I could fit into my favorite clothes and felt healthy.

That began to go downhill after I was diagnosed with an uncommon joint condition in my pelvis and could no longer do the more strenuous types of workouts that I was used to. It's hard to settle in to a life where you can't just run off your bad moods or stair-step away your frustrations, along with that large piece of cake you ate earlier. I began a series of appointments with physical therapists and doctors, and after about 5 years I can now say that I've got the pain mostly under control  - but only through a series of meds that make it very hard to lose weight.

I still felt pretty good, even when I inched up past size 12... but then I found out I was allergic to gluten two years ago, and found myself in a whole new realm of eating that has caused me to quickly gain weight to where I am now at a size 16 (I won't divulge my weight, because it still makes me cringe. It's hard enough typing in my clothing size!).

Last year, I had a 10 year high school reunion and a trip to Florida planned, and wanted desperately to drop some weight and get down to a size 12, or at least a size 14. I tried Weight Watchers up until my reunion in September, and was disappointed to lose only 5lbs over the course of 4 entire months of basically feeling hungry all of the time, and still at a size 16. So I stopped it and moved on to a low-carb diet that a friend of mine was using called The Metabolism Miracle. It was extremely difficult to do while being gluten free, and after two months I had literally lost NOTHING. That left me still being a size 16 for our trip to Florida, which means that when I did wear a swimsuit it was completely covered by tshirts or other types of size-obscuring wraps.

I went to a doctor - she recommended I go to a gynecologist, since we had already tested my thyroid and it was fine. The guy I ended up seeing was terrible - rude, condescending, and constantly insinuating that I must just "sit around eating junk food" all the time and must not "sweat" enough while working out. I was floored by his incredible nerve, and embarrassed for myself even though I  knew I was doing what I could. He didn't even bother to check my hormone levels as I requested, because he insisted that since I was on birth control, my hormones should be fine.

As a last ditch effort, I grabbed The Joy Life Diet from the bargain bin at the grocery store, and have been faithfully adhering to it for the last four weeks. At this point, I've only lost 2lbs. But, at least with this diet I'm not always starving, so I'm going to consider that a plus! It's still majorly disappointing to try so hard and have so little to show for it.

Maybe I'm meant to be curvy, or maybe I haven't found that "magic pill" of a diet yet. But one thing I know for certain - I'm just plain lousy at losing weight! I work out, I do the best I can to eat right, and still the scale seems to tell a different story.

Anyone else feel my frustration?

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